Generally, I try not to really care if people judge me for who I am. If they want to judge me, it's fine, because I don't need them. But, lately, I feel as if EVERYONE in my life is doing it. I go outside and see the dirty looks I get form people I thought were friends, hear the things that people say about me, and it just finally is getting to me. I can't just sit idly by, but I also can't do anything about it, either. I've never been a confrontational person, and I really hate fighting. But, at this point, I just don't know what else to do.
I really don't think I'm a terrible person, but apparently lots of other people do. Knowing that doesn't do much for my insecurities. I never in my life wanted to be looked at in that light. I've done my best to be a nice, caring person. Yet it seems like nobody gives a fuck. I try to do good by others, and I've had everything come back and bite me in the ass this year. I've never had to deal with the feeling of having a thousand eyes on my back at any given moment, nor have I had to deal with the fact that an entire group of "friends" suddenly thinks I'm the worst person in the world. It's a hard thing to deal with, and I'm not doing so well.
Everyday, I feel a little bit less important. It could be because my time here is running out, slowly but surely. It could also be because I see my group of friends changing in front of me. I feel like here isn't so much of a home anymore, and that sucks so much to say. This whole place just seems like it was an illusion to me; one that's lasted almost 4 years. I just don't know why now, all of a sudden, it's all come crashing down at once. The imploded the old Texas Stadium today. I feel like my life has been imploding, too. I just can't figure out where I made that wrong turn, and my mental GPS won't correct itself so I can double back and find the right road to take to finish this chapter of my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment