just once, i'd like to get what i want.
I know exactly what it is, to an extent..kind of. Everything is so hazy. My brain feels like a game of Boggle. I can't even try to take care of one thing without another making me even more crazy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I do know that there are people out there who have given me such great advice, and to those people, thanks. But, no matter what advice I get, ultimately the decision is mine. That is where the problem is. Every time I think I've come to some type of solution, the situation changes. It's like a fucked up virus that keeps mutating to stay alive. And though I know this, I do nothing. I can't. I don't know how. I want to, but stop myself short. Fuck you, elephant in the corner. My room is tiny enough, I don't need any extraneous things in here.
I do not know what is wrong with me. I do see something I want. I'm just not sure how to go and take it. Nobody can tell me how. I just need to take a personal day and be dead to the world and think. I haven't had a free moment in weeks. Even when I do things I enjoy, I find myself daydreaming about all this shit. I just wish that I could tune out, like a radio. I don't like what i'm hearing here, so I'll just change the station. That would be the fucking bee's knees.
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