My life is a fucking mess right now. I don't even know where to begin. Everything and anything seems to be just coming up and smacking me in the face, all at the same time. I haven't really slept in two days, and it really doesn't look like that's going to change much this week. I'm literally on the verge of just freaking out and breaking down.
I have so many issues with a certain someone. I just cannot understand why you are doing the things you're doing. It hurts me so much that you can go and do one thing, yet come to me and say another as if nothing has happened. I don't know how to react to you anymore. You drive me absolutely crazy, and I constantly leave conversations even more confused than when they began. Lately, I've been feeling sick over everything that has gone down. I barely have an appetite anymore, and I just feel like nothing I say gets through to you.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, another someone has been extremely kind to me, and has been there when I needed to just lose it a little bit. Something inside me just draws me to you for advice, or even just a smile. I don't know what that thing is, nor why I feel that way. I don't really have the words inside me at the moment to tell you how I truly feel, and that bothers me. You're an amazing person, and I just can't find a way to tell you that. I know that you've got your own stresses at the moment, but I know that you're going to get past them and feel great afterwards.
School work is killing me, too. I'm graduating in less than 3 weeks, and somehow I am finding myself inundated with shit to do. I just don't get it. My last semester of college wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be having fun and goofing off. Instead I'm stuck in labs for hours on end doing projects, writing papers, etc. With everything regarding graduation in the way, as well as my personal life drama, school has taken a backseat. That really upsets me. I have always prided myself on being a good student, and this semester I've really just been a fuckwad. I'm working on changing that these last couple weeks, but it's not going to be easy.
Post-graduation plans. If I never hear the phrase "So, what're you doing after graduation?' again, I will donate all my money to charity. I hate thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. I fucking love where I am in my life right now. I wouldn't change it for a second. Being in college is awesome, and frankly, I think the real world sucks. I don't want to go out there and fail. I just can't do that. The problem is that there is a good chance I will fail. That's what terrifies me now, and what will continue to terrify me until I find some success.
All in all, being me right now pretty much sucks hard. But, if anyone is willing to trade lives for like, a day or two, I'm totally game. I could use a break from mine.
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